Streams

The morning sunlight had not reached him. He had completely buried himself beneath the sheets of that comfortable bed in the inn at Tarif. And yes, it was unusual for Anubis to actually get himself a room; he normally earned a place to sleep through methods that were, to say the least, a little more unconventional. But his friend from Tarif had done him the favor after seeing him drink far too much wine at the tavern. He simply hadn’t been able to say no.

The hangover the next morning was inevitable. It wasn’t as though he had drunk himself completely sick… In fact, he didn’t even have an addiction as such. He wasn’t that kind of person, because the promise he had made to his Ma was unbreakable. But every now and then there came a day when he strayed, when he disobeyed for a while whenever his heart demanded that he grieve. Beside him, on the nightstand, rested an empty bottle. And two more lay on the floor. After all… he was the bad boy of the story. Rotten to the core.

The little Valencian donkey emerged from beneath the sheets with glassy eyes. He ended up swiping the blanket aside almost like a clawing motion and rubbed at them. He managed to crack one eye open and looked down at his wrist, focusing on the bracelet he always wore.

He could still feel the dizziness from the alcohol that was most likely still flowing through his blood, but he braced himself against the mattress and sat on the edge of the bed, staring ahead as he tried to remember. The weight in his heart that came with mornings like that washed over him again. He had to endure it, just as he had on all those other days. Then he looked out the window. It was already past midday.

He couldn’t keep going like this forever, and he knew it. He looked at his wrist again before finally getting out of bed. He picked up his little leather pouch, the one that hung from his belt and whose actual dimensions were never entirely clear, and began pulling out a change of clothes.

His room had already been paid for as a favor, so he left the inn and quickly headed toward the stables. He raised a hand toward the caravan of merchants he had overheard talking a few days earlier. They were leaving for Drieghan that day, and he wanted to join them.

—-

He put on warmer clothes as they left the steppes of Mediah behind and entered the cold southern region. He tried to make the journey through the mountains as pleasant as possible by talking with his traveling companions. They were humble merchants, still new to the trade, but young enough to dare make journeys that long through such wildly different climates.

Then, after so many days, the time suddenly came to say goodbye.

—I’m getting off here, guys! —the Valencian announced, already standing up even though the caravan had not stopped.

—Huh? But there’s still a while left before Duvencrune!

A little salute with one finger against his forehead and a wide smile was the last thing they saw of him before he jumped off with stupidly impressive agility.

—I know! This is where I needed to get to! Thanks a lot, and good luck at the market~

After one last wave goodbye between the group and the Valencian, he turned around and patted his pocket. Of course he had taken a few of the merchants’ cookies… But he had decided against stealing any of their goods, since they were so new to the trade. Besides, he wanted to give finding his destination the time it deserved…

He made his way down the mountain until he finally reached that familiar stream sheltered by tall trees. He sat down in front of the flowing water and simply stared at the place, one filled with memories from another time. Smiles, sincere words, celebrations, reflection… It was somewhere he could never forget.

His nose made a small sound as he tried to draw in a breath. He lowered his gaze and slid the bracelet from his wrist. He stared at it for a while. With his other hand, he touched the damp earth near the stream and began digging a small hole. He tightened his fist around the bracelet before laying it directly against the soil, without wrapping it in anything, letting it become one with nature. He kept staring at it. And although the place was silent and he was alone, he could still feel his heart crying out as memories crowded into his mind.

…

—Anubis?

The Valencian’s eyes widened and he turned around quickly. His face was red from both the cold and that pain in his chest. He recognized the figure standing there in white and red clothes, carrying a great bow, with blond hair and those unmistakable elven ears.

—Eru… —Anubis pressed his lips together. He couldn’t hold it back. He couldn’t anymore. Not there, not at that moment…

The Kamasylvan walked toward him slowly. His eyes focused on the hole. The look of surprise on his face at finding Anubis in Drieghan while he was gathering flowers began to darken as he feared something terrible, but he barely had time to think about it. Anubis walked quickly toward him, almost breaking into a run, opening his arms and wrapping them around him. He held on tightly.

—Eru…!

The elf made a strange little noise, almost like a stuffed toy being squeezed. His confusion only grew when the Valencian could no longer hold back the pressure that had been building inside his chest for so long, clinging tightly to him as he broke down crying.

—E-eee… —He wrapped his arms around him a little. He didn’t understand anything. Anubis crying like that…? —What… happened…?

Anubis held the elf even tighter. It hurt. It hurt so much…

Eru could almost feel the pain in the brown-skinned boy’s chest spreading into his own. He held him in the embrace. Let him get out whatever he needed to get out. For once, at least, it was obvious that the boy needed it.

—-

Some time passed, and eventually the two of them ended up sitting in front of that stream. They caught each other up on everything that had happened during those months. While Eru had been traveling through the mountains with Tsu, Anubis had gone through the entire ordeal of trying to understand his origins and finding a way not to lose his mind during the full moons. The Valencian told him about his long journey from Ulukita all the way to Edania, how he had encountered that shadow from the past of his civilization, and how he had finally gained his freedom in Tenebraum, where he had very nearly lost his life.

And yet, his usual spark and cheerfulness were gone… That day, close to the Valencian, the cold seemed harsher, almost as though Eru could suddenly feel what the golden-eyed boy was suffering. At least the worst of his suspicions from the moment he had seen the hole were quickly put to rest.

—I felt like I could be free… Like I could even learn something and see the world differently… But it was a selfish thought…

—Why would wanting to rebuild your life be selfish…?

—I… It’s just… Don’t romanticize it, Eru… I… left.

—Anubis… —The elf didn’t take his eyes off him while Anubis kept his head lowered, his eyes still wet with tears. —Someone who simply left wouldn’t be acting the way you are now.

Silence. A shake of the head. Eru respected that silence and brought his hands to the clasp of his fur-lined cloak. He took it off and draped it behind Anubis’s back to protect him from the cold of that evening. The blue-eyed elf understood that it was a difficult situation, but almost as if fate itself had spoken—or perhaps simply because the Valencian was inexperienced—it felt strange to see someone so full of… life surrounded by that much sadness. He might bear the name of the god of the dead, but his soul was the complete opposite. Eru could even recognize someone whose feelings were so sincere and full of love, even if he hardly knew how to show them. He wanted to help him…

—I’m sorry about this… I know it was important to you… And the truth is, I couldn’t say goodbye either… I… Mgh… I don’t think this is about blaming anyone. It’s about continuing down our own paths… You only wanted to look for your happiness, and… I think you deserve to find it just as much as anyone else.

—I’m a bad idea for anyone… —the Valencian murmured.

—Where does all that pressure you put on yourself come from…?

The Valencian didn’t know how to answer until he finally managed to speak again.

—I-I feel like… I’ll never be good enough. That I’ve hurt people… I don’t know any trades, I don’t know how to be with someone, I don’t even know how to be honest. All I ever do is end up being the troublemaker, the boy with the poisoned heart…

Eru lowered his brows and gently shook his head. He raised one hand and wiped away the tears running down the cheek marked by that scar.

—You’re noble. More than you think… I’ve known you for a long time.

—You’re calling a thief noble.

—No… I’m calling Anubis noble. …I know I’ll never truly know how you feel or what you think, but I want… you to know that now is your time to move forward. And no one has the right to take that away from you.

The Valencian looked at Eru. Sadness crept back over his expression, but this time he managed to hold himself together.

—You’re an amazing elf. You’re kind. You’re sensitive. You’re an ace with a bow. Tall, handsome, perfect skin… I don’t have those opportunities you’re talking about…

The elf lowered his brows, his sadness overcoming his embarrassment, and looked at Anubis more seriously.

—I’m broken… both in my body and inside… —Anubis added reluctantly.

—Don’t say that… You’re friendly, you know what to say to people… people even smile wherever you go. You don’t realize it… but in times like these, that’s almost a blessing. …You can dance, create art, preserve your culture… And you’re very good at it.

Anubis lowered his head again, thinking about Eru’s words and, in part, surprised by just how much the elf was accompanying him through that emptiness. He appreciated his closeness. Talking to him was easy because he knew how to listen almost too well…

—Maybe… I never managed to forgive myself for causing so much harm because of everything involving my race… Or maybe I needed to go looking for something I couldn’t find.

—…I… what I see is that you needed room to breathe. And that isn’t a bad thing… Even the kindest people can sometimes lose their way when they become too attached to something. You, too… you’ve been through a lot. Maybe after everything that happened, you discovered that what you need isn’t the same as what everyone else needs…

—…

—…And much less… w-what other people say you need.

Anubis stared at Eru. His lip trembled and he leaned against his shoulder, a few more tears falling. Was that what he had needed to hear? Was someone really treating him with that much kindness…? Him, the bad one?

—I’ll be okay… I-I just… need a moment.

—Take all the time you need. Then I’ll come with you to get something to eat… okay?

—I-I don’t want to be a burden… You have plans…

—It’s alright… Rest for a while.

Anubis closed his eyes, relaxing into the warmth of Eru’s cloak. It was obvious that the pain in his chest had not disappeared; his deepest scar had already formed. But deep down, this was a new beginning for him, one that, uncertain as it might be, could lead him to discover whatever it was he had still been unable to find anywhere else.

What was it?

Of course he didn’t know.

That is the magic of adventure.

Of living.